Okay, I would like to share some thoughts with the small online blog hoping that neither any of my friends will stumble upon this.
Yes. I’m having drama with my friends. Like pretty bad drama to the point I’m moving away from them because I don’t feel included or loved and even ignored. It’s alright because I’m used to it. She wasn’t a true friend and never will be. I thought this was the one friendship that would last, however, I thought wrong. I feel so useless, unimportant and I’m just laughing about it. I apologise if i sound crappy or anything like that but its just its hard to keep it in without crying constantly. She doesn’t care at all. I’m like second best and I won’t accept this at all.
This is unfair if I put 100% in the friendship where she puts like less than 50%.
That’s it. I’m done.
I took a moment to appreciate the sunset and just took a moment to pause and be in the present moment. I haven’t blog in a few days because I’m quite busy and exams are not far. Hopefully after the hectic schedule I can post more on my online diary. aka blog.
I thank everyone who followed my budding blog. To be honest I’d never thought I’d pass 3 followers. 🙂 So super excited.
This is sort of a new segment that I do and I will try to make it weekly 🙂 It’s called daily thoughts and each blog post I’ll mention and talk about things that came across my mind which is worth mentioning. It could be uplifting or depressing and maybe short or long but it would be something worth reading or noting, well for me. But I hope you find it interesting too (Plus maybe you might get glimpse of my photography like that picture of a sunset above!)
Todays daily thoughts would be focusing on friendships and what I think of them. (Plus maybe a bit of a back story)
For me, friendships would be always a come and go thing. I never had a friend who would stay for longer than 5 years. They either make new other friends or just simply leave. As a kid it made me insecure and conscious that everybody had a “friendship group” while I didn’t. At first I denied being alone and always and maybe desperately tried to fit in. But in the end I was the one who got hurt. It took years and all kinds of friendships to see that I have to be my own best friend first. I needed to stop looking for acceptance from others and just accept myself and just be happy with who I am and how far I come.
In this life my mother always told me that friends come and go. Some people believe they stay forever. Maybe they’ve found the “true friend” who laughs, shares secrets, helps you, listens and do all sort of great stuff that close friends do. Some times I look at it as like a sunset. Friends come and go like a sun rises and sets. You take a moment and enjoy the feeling of it coming and going. Sometimes I picture it as a metaphor that you only enjoy memories and as soon as it is gone you let it go and look forward to the next one. People are like that too.
Right now I’m working on myself. I’m imperfect but okay and I have lots of inspirations and dreams. Learning from years from depending on others and being that duckling who follows people around, I for the first time, would like to be independent and a leader. I’ve learnt to lean on myself and be content in spending time alone and with myself. Helping others and maybe encouraging them too is something I look forward to do in the future. Maybe helping that young child who is struggling to fit on or that adolescent teenager who can’t quite find their group.
For I am too, waiting on my true friend to arrive.